I came to a new city, a new life. Instead of the working house-wife, I regressed back to a college student. This was a completely new role for me. I was in a new city, knowing no one and completely on my own for the first time in almost 8 years. There was no safety-net of my fiance anymore. My parents and the majority of my family was at least 3 hours away.
I was able to start figuring out not only what I really want in my life, but just who I am. I've made a lot of mistakes in that process. I've learned a lot. and I thought, once again, I had fallen in love.
But he wasnt. To him, it was just sex and arm candy. I was the older woman and yet, I was naive to think he really loved me because that is what he said. He bought me a beautiful necklace, told me everything I wanted to hear. But used me. When it came close to his departure from Vincennes, He told me it was his fault, not mine. that he didnt in fact love me or want to be with me. He wanted space, time alone. He has since moved on and changed his mind again. Out of all of this I only wish him happiness. He brought me happiness and joy, its all i wish for him in return.
Then I slowly became more involved at school. I joined the student government association and met a lot of new people. One tried to 'hook me up' with his buddy who was *gasp* older than I was. I thought, sure. He wont play games, hurt me, use me. He understands;knows what it is like to be hurt and left behind or not picked. I was wrong. But it was too late for me. He was mysterious, older and yet, still a kid at heart. I was coming off my heartbreak from the previous relationship and instantly wanted to be near this man. He constantly blew me off. he chose to spend time with me, but didn't want to be with me. I started feeling like the annoying kid sister so I tried to forget about him. He dated someone else who was horrible to him and for him. They split and he begged me for another chance. He wanted me. He too, was a mistake.
I am, and always will be in love with my former fiance. There is nothing that will make me stop caring for him, and missing what we used to have. We have talked of trying again, maybe working things out, but he needs space and time because, I hurt him. I will give him as long as he needs because love, although a bitter taste, can be bitter sweet.
